The KSCM crowbar is the one tool in the politico's closet which he never wants to use. It's like Frodo's ring...slip it on and things start happening. While it may just get you out of a bevy of hairy situations, it doesn't come without its disastrous consequences.

Alright, alright, so what's the "KSCM crowbar," you ask?

Well, say you're trying to jimmy open a door, right? It's shut tight -- rusted even -- and no matter how much lubrication you use -- no matter how much you attempt to cajole that damned thing open -- you just can't crack it.

So what do you do?

Well, in the political world, the panicky MP or presidential candidate reaches into his or her satchel of tools and pulls out their trusty KSCM crowbar. It's the equivalent to Ali Baba shouting "open sesame," and in the Czech Republic, the television commercial on Nova would go as follows:

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It slices!

It dices!

It cuts cleaner than a Ginsu knife!

It's the best thing since sliced bread! (And we ain't talking about the loaf you used to get waiting in the old bread line).

Stoprocentne ne dame a panove.

It's the KSCM Crowbar...

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Why is the Czech Republic one of a handful -- if not the only -- of post-Communist countries where the reconstituted "Communist Party" receives such statistically-significant voter support? Support so strong that it can boast the lofty reputation of being the third-largest supported party in Parliament?!

Before you jump all over this post to slay me -- killing me a thousand times over, more than the proverbial cat's nine lives -- allow me to admit my knowledge of Czech history for our non-Czech readers chiming in for their daily dose v cizine.

Yes, I'm patently aware that the present existence of Commie and pinko dinosaurs in the Lower House comes courtesy of the famous "Czechoslovak Rapprochement," openly declared in the media by former President Havel and his Civic Forum friends. Not as much as a shred of contribution was solicited from the populace.

During that Age of Aquarius which overwhelmed the former Czechoslovakia during those fateful November days, few knew what was to befall our newly free nation. So Havel & Co.'s understanding was to not go after these jerks (and jerkettes!) for hear of the hidden sympathies they might still preserve with a significant set of the (rural) Czechoslovak people, riling them up to destroy the koombaya spirit overwhelming our nation at that time.

But that was then, and this is now...and this isn't a history lesson.

It's a heartfelt missive to Mr. Svejnar:

PLEASE DON'T DO IT, JOHNNY BOY! DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!

The wires this morning had talk about Jan Svejnar's majestic attempt at Commie grab ass-ery. He'd gone on the record of making light of latter-day Commie machinations in the upcoming presidential elections, going so far as to suggest they might potentially form parts of future ruling coalitions were they to "significantly reform their ways...surrender[ing] all ties to their past totalitarianism."

Mr. Svejnar is the last person in Czechlands to need schooling in the delicate arts of political management. He, too, knows only too well that "Communism" -- unlike the brown fizzy drink with the red and white colour scheme -- doesn't come in "lite" flavour.

Which is why I can't help but observe -- as have you -- that Our Man has begun to shake, rattle, and roll.

He's reached into his tidy little wooden box and fished out the KSCM crowbar, having difficulty holding it in his hands because he's got a bad case of panic attack.

Poor Mr. Svejnar has regrettably saved the worst for last.

He realized early on (or his Czech handlers did all the way from the States) that at some stage he'd have to do the foxtrot with baboons like Filip and Dolejs. Yet he didn't want to contemplate this at the outset of his campaign, knowing how it might harm his prospects for High Ceremonial Office.

But the boom has fallen, kids...

The door has remained stubbornly shut for Our Man and the KSCM crowbar might be just the thing to pry it open, once and for all.

And if it works for Svejnar, it could work for you too.

Who deserves the blame for this one? A seventy-one year old poet-playwright?

Or the people of this fine land who have not yet learned how to seize the democratic day?

Questions, questions...