Since 2004, immigrants and asylum-seeking refugees have been playing an increasingly significant role in Czech social affairs.

While I don't count myself among them -- bureaucratically-speaking, as I don't share their daily woes, being a European national -- I am nevertheless kindred spirits with them from the perspective of sharing a background of being a "strange person in a strange land." It is for this reason that I have decided to humbly accept the post of leader of the Czech Immigrants Party.

It was a hard-fought decision on my part.

Yet following a weekend of intense negotiations huddled around a smoke- and Becherovka-filled round table nestled somewhere in a cramped apartment in what shall remain an undisclosed location (for now) in Dejvicka, my colleagues -- noble citizens of Iraq, the Central African Republic, Nigeria, Cameroon, Cote d'Ivoire, China, Afghanistan, Vietnam, Taiwan, the United States, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand -- voted unanimously to nominate for me for leadership of the party.

This week, we plan to drop the writ and file papers for representation in the next election, likely to take place somewhere between the next several months and the commencement of 2009.

By week's end, we will be receiving official notice that our application has been accepted, with authorization to come within the next two months which legally entitles us to vie for representation in the Czech House of Parliament. Finally, the hopes and dreams of a generation of young immigrants to the Czech lands, those of us who have been pitifully neglected by the indifference of our host society, discriminated against at work, and looked upon disparagingly by the most mono-ethnic population of the Czech capital city, will be fulfilled.

We bandied about the possibility of naming ourselves the "Prague Immigrants Party." Since most of us live in the capital -- where the opportunities lie and where the lot of us earn our daily bread -- we felt that "Prague" was more representative of what we collectively stood for.

But at the 11th-hour nixed the idea.

"Czech" was more in line with our future goals and aspirations.

Eventually, we will be residing not only in your capital, but across the length and breadth of your former kingdom.

You will soon find us in your subordinate cities of Brno, Ostrava, and Plzen. And, G.od willing, and with the benevolent assistance of our government, native Czechs will soon find us in their smaller regional towns and hamlets as well. Places where the Czech authority will be compelled to establish "make-work" programmes for the thousands of newcomers, like us, whom she will be forced to adopt as part of her EU refugee and asylum claimant obligations. (You didn't think joining the EU was going to be a free ride, did you?)

You will hear us speaking our various ethnic tongues on your streets.

We will be wearing our traditional clothes in your stores.

And we will -- moreover -- look completely different from you, sound different from you, and behave in a manner which is not what you are accustomed to. We will get in your face in your shops and in the streets, and will make you accept our dark-haired, dark-skinned, deep-voiced, accent-inflected, bearded, mustachioed existence.

We will be joining your mainstream, my dear Cesi.


WHY WE ARE ESTABLISHING THE CZECH IMMIGRANTS PARTY?


WHEREAS, our reasons for doing are multifacted:

** The Czech Republic is an overly mono-ethnic jurisdiction: While there are some European politicians clamouring for the swift establishment of "Fortress Europe," the die has been cast and the tide can no longer be reversed. Dear fellow Czech citizens, your days of dominating the Bohemian and Moravian gene pool are over. We are here to stay, and we're not leaving anytime soon. It is time to shake things up.

** Nationally harmful character traits residing within Czech DNA: Reprehensible, counter-European behavioural traits must be completely weaned out of the "Czech" gene pool through successive waves of a new, "foreign" chromosomal element into the Czech bloodstream. Over the course of not more than two generations, it is our aim to expunge the cowardly, craven streak from the Czech national character. We wish to return to a rightful measure of Czech pride, one that supersedes hockey, the biathalon, fornicating porn stars, and beer (and we mean this in the utmost of seriousness).

** Immigrants will add colour and vibrancy to the Czech population: Anywhere in the "old" EU-15 where immigrants have left their indelible footprint, transformational energy has ensued. Newcomers to the Czech lands will bring their customs, their globalized outlook, their optimism, and their entrepreneurial spirit to a country living in an untenable economic bubble. When the guano hits the fan in this country, millions of Czech citizens will be devasted by the damage their feeble approach to industriousness has wreaked during these years.

** Czech politics is dominated by a cabal of card-carrying KSC (Czechoslovak Communist Party) types who don't have our nation's best interests at heart: Time and again, it has been proven in nations across Europe and around the world that newcomers are thankful for the opportunities they have been granted to live, work, and thrive in their host countries. They are grateful immigrants, net positive contributors to their host society and become masters of the nation's language, customs, and traditions. Our aim is to win 5 seats (of 200) during the next Czech national election, and to increase this number by 3 seats with each subsequent election.

** The Czech Republic must urgently rebrand itself: Native Czechs are known across the world for entirely the wrong reasons. They are known as a Middle European mass of "laughing imbeciles," (not my expression, this is the prevailing European opinion) best suited to accept orders from so-called more "enlightened" bosses from the West. We drink beer, we stuff our faces with all manner of starchy food, and we have random sexual encounters out of wedlock and against our various martial partners without adequate contraception. We are an overly laid-back people, aspiring to little more than to be left to our devices over weekends, twiddling with our dinky toys and electronic devices at the weekend house -- or chata -- toying with our fantastic plastic machines, rather than attending to the genuine realities which loom large above us. Immigrants will correct this. We shall bring back a measure of Czech respect. We shall bring our industriousness. We shall add our colour. And we will show you a different way to live. The proper way.

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For these reasons and more, the time has come for us to take the Czech political scene by storm. And take it, we will!

Watch this space for our URL, contact addresses, and for the list of candidates we shall be presenting to contest the upcoming electoral tipoff.

To all immigrants to Cesko who are reading this post -- please cast your ballot for the Czech Immigrants Party, the only party in the corrupt Czech political establishment who can protect your interests, represent you fairly, and whose reason for being is with your continued improvement in mind.

VOTE CZECH IMMIGRANTS!