Czechs, friends, countrymen!

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UPDATE#1: And cizaci!

UPDATE#2: The title of this post should have read, now in retrospect as: "FOREIGNERS TO CESKO -- WHO NEEDS 'EM?" I now realize how much confusion this apparently caused to my fans, who thought I was maligning Czechs. Heaven forfend! Apologies for the gaffe. Won't happen again. Scout's honour...sure enough!

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It's time we took a good look in the mirror and assessed our present skills and abilities.

Back where I grew up -- North of the 45th Parallel -- most 18 year olds, when they hit that lofty plateau, did some serious soul-searching. By that stage, they usually had their first reality check, their first possible brush with mortality abusing alcohol, drugs, or other illicit substances, or even their first love interest (if not partaken of earlier).

They likely found themselves in their final years of secondary school, just prior to entering the hallowed halls of higher education, an institution where they'd likely forget all the lessons they'd honed down in provincial Jihlava/Iglau.

Being 18 is also a time for gift-giving and kudos-granting.

Parents generally lavish their eighteen year-old progeny with gifts aplenty, commending them for reaching this milestone, Indeed it is a once-in-a-lifetime plateau.

Here in Cesko, we're also sort of teenage-like. For all intents and purposes, we're just the same sort of 18 year old, and it explains why we no longer need the assistance of outside help.

So today, here are my Top 5 Reasons why we no longer require the skills and services of expatriates and outsiders in our country, why they'd do better to just stay home:

1) The Skills You Once Taught Us We Already Know For Ourselves: Once upon a time, people arrived from outside our borders to show us things we didn't yet know how to do -- or at least do well. With their double-edged phalanxes of resources and know-how, Europeans from the more affluent West in combination with America landed on our shores, instructing us in the finer ways of being and behaving. Like the diligent students we are, we took in their lessons well. But the tables have since turned -- we've now mastered those skills and we no longer need their inputs. When sitting across the table from you now, we'll do so as equals, not awestruck dolts.

2) Our Passport Now Takes Us Anywhere: Thanks to the backdoor quid pro quo machinations of Deputy PM Vondra and the others in the ODS cabal, with the assorted backroom dealmaking, Czechs have now reached the rarefied air of a near-total US visa waiver. Not to mention 6 months in Canada -- visa-free (provided the Candians don't slap that visa back onto us for exceeding the quotas they supplied us last year). Note to Czech hotties: this means anytime you've got that inner urge to shake your moneymaker down on Miami's South Beach, trying your hand at becoming an international superstar fashionista of your own making, you've now got the opportunity. For Czech businessmen this too has its advantages. Now the innovative US market is yours for the accessing. (Poor Slovaks, eh? They don't have nearly the same deal. I bet our little cousins are eating their hearts out for initiating the Divorce).

3) The English language Has Become Marginalized In Prague: Speaking English is not such a big deal for prazane anymore. Most Praguers speak it phenomenally well -- if not passably -- and are on the 'net reading the same web pages as you and I. They have access to the same newspapers that you do, the same books, and they can travel anywhere on the planet to speak English whenever and wherever they darn well please. It still amazes me that word hasn't filtered out to the inbound masses that we're not the dumb "Easterners" or "peutes" (as the French call us) we may have once been.

4) Our Currency -- the koruna -- Is Completely Tradeable and Mighty: To all you curious foreigners abroad planning to swing into our city to have yourselves a beer-fuelled ball at our expense, here's the newsflash: you been paying attention to the financial markets of late? We're not 40 crowns to the dollar, 60 crowns to the sterling anymore! Our products and services now have high value, and what we produce doesn't come cheaply, kids. So buyer beware. We're not Europe's stepchildren.

5) Your Money Is Better Invested Out East: Our government has prepared for the very worst, and taken the steps to ensure our economy doesn't become overly reliant upon the auto industry or similar heavy manufacturing activities that could hamper our economy needlessly. It's no secret these sectors will eventually find their way East. So to all you Taiwanese businessmen, Americans, Brits, and Japanese -- kindly take your millions and inject them into Ukraine's economy, or head on down to Bulgaria and let them roll out the red carpet for you at Sofia Airport. Our financial markets are strong and healthy, thank goodness, and our metrics remain promising. From 2008's standpoint and beyond, the optics are gorgeous.

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The "urine of history" -- that same pee which formerly rained down on us for over 40 years -- has now completely dried.

Foreigners -- be they businessmen or visitors -- continue to be welcome in the Czech lands. And they shall remain so.

But we don't need you anymore. Not as much as we used to, at least. For all of the above reasons, and more...

Have a nice day,
ADM