Ano...the mighty Olympic Games are coming up soon in Beijing and I'm feeling that familiar wave of stress which washes over me every Olympiad, pratele.

You know what I'm talking about?

I just know I'm going to have mondo trouble in the "who to root for" department. In whose name will I clink beer stein after countless beer stein in congratulatory quaff upon congratulatory quaff? Will I do so for Canada, my so-called "home and native land?" Or will it be for my adoptive hearth and home, the Czechlands? Right now, I'm rubbing my antsy thumb and tweaking my aquiline nose in despair...woe...woe is me...

So I decided to fall back on familiar patterns to save the day. Kindly allow me to fish out my notepad, where I took the liberty of drafting a PROs/CONs List to support my case both for and against rooting for Cesko.


Let's begin with the bad news, so that we may more efficaciously get it out of the way...


CON:

1) The Canadians are livid enough with me as it is, thank you very much, for having previously relinquished my Canadian citizenship. Since my blood family (as opposed to my new Czech family) still resides in that Land North of 45, I might very well be endangering their livelihoods -- nay, their very souls -- if the Canadian Secret Police dressed in Red Serge were to discover my whereabouts in some dank Prague cellar, sitting glassy-eyed as I knock back the shots. No, we can't have that happen...

2) It might appear as though I'm carpetbagging for several of my Czech colleagues and loved ones. When our summer Olympians begin racking up their medals and kicking major global sporting posterior, if I cheer too vigorously for Cesko it mightn't exactly leave the most flattering impression.

3) I haven't sincerely studied the Czech athletic roster. I mean, sure, I already know some of the more prominent names and such, but that hardly makes me an expert. So if I gun full throttle for the Czechs, it wouldn't actually be out of a genuine true- and inner-knowledge of who, precisely, would be contesting the various competitions.

4) If I were to root for Czechs during the Games, I'd be doing exactly what the majority of other Czechs would be doing! Since my Inner Contrarian prevents me from being so sheep-like, the urge to go against the grain on this one remains strong indeed.

5) I disrespect the cult of denial that continues to swirl about the present Chinese hardline Administration. While our premier doesn't seem to have any cognitive dissonance about attending the Opening Ceremonies nor in participating in the activities of the Official Czech Delegation, I don't wholeheartedly agree with our Topol. Since this is really all about dosh and hardly about amateur sport, what's the point in tacitly accepting what the Chinese perpetrate against their own people? I don't do hypocrisy well...only sometimes...


And now for the shimmering positives...


PRO:

1) The Canadian team isn't really "Canada's Team," okay? (Remember the 1992 World Series-winning Toronto Blue Jays -- a team mostly filled with Afro-Caribbean, Latino, and African-American baseball players). For a Canadian team to really be representative of its namesake, its entire squad and delegation must -- by definition -- be populated by Native Canadians. And since the number of indigenous Canadian sportsmen and women are presently unknown to this writer, opting to support the Czech squad is more in accord with "racial purity," a perennial election issue for a critical mass of Czechs who live outside of Prague.

2) As part of my continuing effort to shuck off my "Canadian skin," what with my previous open mind towards novelty, completely unfettered interpersonal communication -- especially at the office -- and with my previous welcoming attitude towards newcomers in my midst, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon without a single qualm and support the Czech squad. So all you foreigners out there, you are forewarned! We don't want you here! (How did I do? Convincing enough as a Czech?)

3) My societal activism, my internet link popularity (no hubris, just a statistical fact!), and my overall online "brand identity" might boost the prospects of the Czech team in that all-critical region between the eyes -- your noodle. The sheer volume of words that shall sally forth from my pen in support of the Czech Sporting Cause will yank the discussion away from US Missile Defence, Russian threats of ballistic retaliation, and the endless yammering-on about vepro, knedlo, zelo (for our foreign readers, that's Czech "goulash" -- a uniquely Czech culinary invention, wink, wink) onto more valid pursuits, like "amateur" sport and Tibet.

4) Svelte Czech women in sporting attire (did you see the latest designs in today's Czech papers, by the way?)

5) It will be fun to see the Czechs trouncing their erstwhile incorrigible Slovak little brothers and sisters. Again, we have to teach our agrarian eastern neighbours a due lesson in humility. You breakaway in 1993? You take on the eurodollar in 2009? Who do you think you are?! As far as I can see, Slovaks are cruisin' for a massive bruisin'. I shall truly enjoy watching our mighty athletes clobber Slovak wannabe sportsmen and women into Slavic oblivion.

~~~~

So what do you say? Go Czech Team, go! Or "O Canada..."

Jaggers! Decisions, decisions...


--ADM

ps1: Why can't we modernize our language and use the globally-correct terms -- Beijing, Taiwan, and Shanghai? Not Peking (an old Catonese pronounciation, a vestige of the racist Opium Wars of the mid-19th century), Tchaj-wan, and Sanchaj -- gawd!

ps2: this is the music I was listening to as I compiled this post: