Alas, ‘tis a well know fact, ask any UK commuter…The British public transport system sucks. Crappy rail platforms, derelict bus stops, demilitarized underground stations.
Our trains all too often run late, as if the very fabric of Space Time continuum might fail should they contrive to turn up as per schedule. When they finally do show, us passengers are forced onto carriages sardines might find snug, full of fellow travellers who insist on introducing their armpits to your face. Armpits which I guarantee haven’t seen soap or deodorant in days. And why are they always at perfect nose height?
In the dark history of human invention, there have been countless diabolical machines created to induce pain and suffering. The Guillotine and Rack spring to mind. There are others, untitled, that pull your fingernails out or cut bits of you off. (Usually the more important bits... but then they are diabolical). My knowledge of such devices is thankfully limited.
I only bring this up because I have a new nomination for the list... The Tin Opener.
You may think I’m over stating the case for the humble opener. Its inventor has not, as yet, reached the levels of infamy of say one; R Oppenheimer… but I am not talking about any old tin opener… Oh no, I’m talking CZECH TIN OPENERS.
Danish mother, Italian Father, British passport, living in Prague. Okay, so I admit it. I have absolutely no excuse. I should be multilingual by now.